Gand's Guide to Galactic Good Eats
Editors Note: Gand’s Guide to Good Eats, serialized by the RNN, has been rated the number one show among Insectoids and Trandoshans Galaxy wide. It is widely acclaimed for its claws-on mandibles-on approach to every step of food preparation. All of its episodes will soon be posted here. Episode 1: Live From the Front On Merr Sonn! :A green insectoid stands in front of the Camera after the opening sequence, with various utensils and cooking supplies laid out on butcher’s paper atop rust-colored rocks. A small grill is set up on camera as well. :He begins speaking, his voice translated and emitted from a poor-quality speaker attached to his respirator, “Welcome to Gand’s Guide to Good Eats, today is a very special episode broadcasted LIVE from the front on Merr Sonn! Now the war rations supplied by the Republic are not good eats, and a world like Merr Sonn doesn’t have much wildlife to hunt so what’s a Gand going to do?” :“For all you soldiers out there Gand will teach you how to whip up a tasty and filling meal on the battlefield in under an hour!” :“First, you have to find your entrée and believe Gand when he tells you that there is no shortage of today’s entrée!” :The Insectoid bends down and lifts a full grown but very dead clone. There is a very large hole going through its head, “Gand personally killed this little guy three hours ago and has been draining excess blood since. The blood has a lot of flavor but can really make it difficult to get to the parts you want when you do this yourself.” :A vibroblade appears in the Gand’s hand and he begins cutting into the clone’s carapace, “Now, if you were aiming to feed a large group of people you’d want to just roast or boil your clone. This species of clone is insectoid, so the meat is a lot like Mo—“ --“lobster or other common forms of shellfish. However, there is a lot more going on with a clone’s muscles than with your average shellfish so cuts of meat ARE important.” :The Gand rips off a section of shell, tosses it aside, and continues, “But luckily the layout of a clone is similar to nerf, so Gand is going to go for what we could call the tenderloin to make some gourmet eats for its friends.” :He points to a long circular section of muscle, “This is the Psoas Major muscle, also called Clone tenderloin. Without a doubt, this is the most tender part of any quadruped.” He quickly removes the cut of meat with his vibroblade and sets it on a cutting board, “Now you want to cut these into fillets but not quite as thick as nerf fillets, you have to be able to cook them all the way through without burning them.” He proceeds to cut the tenderloins to the appropriate size. :“The markets of Merr Sonn’s canopied plaza are still in operation so Gand was able to get some basic spices and staple food products. We are going to flavor our meat with butter sauce, paprika, and just a pinch of salt.” :He seasons the cuts the throws them on a grill, “Now, Clone is a lot like shellfish so you want to make sure you cook it through but it takes practice to keep from overcooking it. If you don’t have a thermometer, always make someone else taste it before you begin to eat.” He flips the fillets, “Gand couldn’t find a thermometer on Merr Sonn, so once these are done Gand will plate them and take him to its friends for tasting.” : Category:Culture